Of all the places on earth
to live, a growing number of people are choosing San Miguel de Allende.
Their numbers are actually expanding exponentially. The population
increase is exhausting the city’s ability to provide basic
services and has turned our streets into a traffic quagmire rivaling
Manhattan. Long gone is the sleepy little village filled with artists,
musicians, writers, poets, gypsies, travelers and cheap eats, rents
and in fact, cheap everything. Foreigners and paisanos are arriving
daily for differing reasons. I decided to find out why by conducting
an informal poll of those that are residents of San Miguel for less
than one year.
Whenever I encountered an identical reply it made the list.
So here are the results—The Top Ten Reasons People
are Moving to SMA in 2004:
1. There is so much to do here
2. So many places accept dollars and speak English, it’s like
being at home
3. Such a wide variety of people, just look at all the different
license plates
4. Costco, Price Club, SAMS, McDonalds & Wal-Marts are all nearby
5. The Biblioteca is such a beehive of activity and a great source
of information
6. The wide variety of “American Style” restaurants
7. The cost of living is so cheap
8. The people are so friendly
9. All the rich culture and history
10. It’s a tranquil and safe
Those are all good reasons uttered by seemingly intelligent, well-informed
people. Too bad none of it’s true. I guess reality is what
each person decides it is. But the reality is in the next list.
And if you’re already here, the reasons you should move to
Lake Chapala, Puerto Vallarta or Colima. It’s called
 The
Top Ten Reasons Not to Move Here:
1. There is nothing to do here
2. You lose big time paying in dollars at stores due to the exchange
rate they use and forget about learning Spanish because everyone
else speaks English
3. The different license plates are all attached to oversized vehicles
that should not be allowed in this city
4. Costco, Price Club, SAMS, McDonalds and Wal-Mart are closer to
almost every other place in North America
5. Our public library does everything except buy books
6. The lack of restaurants offering authentic Mexican cuisine
7. The cost of living is higher here than almost everywhere else
in Mexico
8. The locals you meet are extremely friendly, the other 95% merely
tolerate our presence
9. San Miguel culture revolves around t-shirt shops, quaint BBQ’s,
coffee shops, happy hours and American style restaurants. History
is mentioned when happy hour is in a bar of a converted colonial
home.
10. It’s loud and busy and once midnight rolls around your
slumber will only be interrupted by several nearby fireworks displays
until the barnyard animals permanently wake you at dawn. Plus, crime
against foreigners is on the rise.
Reality bites! Or perhaps you do not agree. There are some facts
that are indisputable.
The following people should never consider San Miguel as
home for the reasons given:
 1.
The elderly or infirm: Even with flat sidewalks and standardized
curb heights used all over the world, the combination of unleveled
adoquin sidewalks and rock streets here in San Miguel poses a grave
danger. Get prepared to be fitted with a cast or two.
2. Those with respiratory or pulmonary disease will certainly die
prematurely. There is just not enough oxygen at this altitude.
3. The overweight: Your heart was not designed to pump blood to
such mass even at sea level. There are exceptions to every rule.
Here’s a simple test. Start in front of the Parroquia and
jog up Correo to the intersection of Pedro Vargas (Salida Queretaro)
if you can do that short three block job without gasping or huffing
and puffing, you are the exception.
4. Alcoholics: With few options or stimulating interests available
the San Miguel alcoholic moves up his/her date of death considerably.
5. The ignorant: You call San Miguel home but the Spanish language
doesn’t interest you? Picture this scenario – you have
a small get together at your place. While entertaining friends,
one guest collapses to the floor. My question, and this is a life
and death matter mind you, what number do you immediately dial for
help? (hint: it’s not 9-1-1) When the voice answers your call
in Spanish what is your response? BZZZZ! Too late – you just
let a friend die!
6. Those confined to a wheel chair: Since the Plaza Real de Conde
is the site of the only wheel chair ramps now and for perhaps the
next 50 years or so, those in a wheel chair are virtually excluded
from everything.
7. Golfers: Where are you going to go? Malanquin?
8. Car owners: San Miguel is one of the great places where taxis
and buses provide excellent service and no matter how often you
use your car or how far you go it is still way, way cheaper and
safer to use public transportation.
9. Hippies, artists, poets, writers, bargain hunters: You are too
late. They all left years ago.
10. Proselytizers: Somos Catolicos, adios!
 But,
if you must know the truth—here are the real reasons people
arrive by the busload.
1. Running from the law
2. Cheap meds
3. Misunderstood the Patriot Act
4. Don’t recall—Alzheimer’s sufferer
5. Family, friends fed-up
6. Making a killing on real estate
7. No need here to dress to impress
8. Booze available at all hours
9. Prefers slow service, greasy food
10. Might get to see famous movie stars
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