Ode to the Turducken
By Ran Scot
Once when I was just knee high to a grasshopper, I went to one of
them big city malls. The memories that stuck most were how each
shop smelt different, contrary to the overall smell of the outdoor
markets out in the country. But the vision that struck me most was
the wonder of the food court. Here a man could get any type of food
done poorly from any part of the world in under five minutes. Not
even the most decadent of Romans could boast of such a wonder.
it was with little bewilderment that I first saw the Turducken rear
its meat-laden head in the rural parts of Texas in the early 90s.
But for those of you who have yet to see this debauched representation
of the Thanksgiving meal, let me tell its legend.
It starts with a boneless chicken, which is then filled with cornbeard
dressing and stuffed into a bonless duck. But the poultry dead parade
does not end there! Oh no, next you stuff the duck that is stuffed
with the chicken into a semi-boneless turkey. But to break up the
succulant bird monopoly, a layer of Cajun sausage is then crammed
into the already packed cavity of the glorious turducken.
The finished product usually weighs in at 15-20 pounds, and will
feed about 20-25 people on average, or about 10-15 fat ass Americans.
It is your patriotic duty to have one of these beasts of meat at
your Thanksgiving meal. For if you do not spend our Golden Era money
on such bountiful things, then we might actually spend it on something
stupid. Like education, or health care.