Rum
Punch
by Stucco Steve
With the possibility of
more nippy nights left in the winter of ‘05 I wanted to share
this recipe with La Jerga readers. This heat-producing potion is
a strong defense against the feistiest cold snap. You will need
fruit, juices, cinnamon sticks, a big bottle of rum (not that Appleton
Estates crap either), a blender and a stew pot.
 First,
I pour a stiff shot of rum into a tumbler with ice and add my favorite
mixer. This cocktail will cut the tension, thereby reducing accidents
or spillage. I always clean out the pitcher part of the blender
first. Don’t do what I once did. I was making some concoction
in the blender and when I put the first liquid ingredient in, all
this gross shit floated to the top. It took my appetite away. So
clean the pitcher real good before anything. And don’t forget
your cocktail.
Most likely you will be preparing the rum punch in the kitchen so
heed this cautionary note: Before using electrical devices or lighting
the gas stove, sniff around and make certain the smell of natural
gas (the kind stored in tanks and cylinders) is nowhere to be found.
If you encounter the telltale odor of cooking gas or the natural
gas produced by the human body take the appropriate steps necessary
in the direction that seems safest. Since the flu season is in full
swing and you will most likely need help finishing off the punch
I strongly recommend wearing a full-face respirator from this point
forward to avoid spreading germs. Once all that is settled put the
following in the blender: 2 shots apple juice, 2 shots rum, one
peeled & deseeded orange, one peeled & deseeded grapefruit,
half a cored pineapple, juice from 4 or 5 limes, a cinnamon stick,
syrup from a jar of cherries, 6 or 7 de-stemmed cherries and a couple
shots of coconut mix. Blend together and pour into a big stew pot.
Now pour the bottle of rum in reserving a huge shot for another
cocktail. Go ahead and make your cocktail.
 While
sipping your drink put the fire on low under the stew pot. Now cut
thin slivers of orange (w/peel), grapefruit (w/peel), limes (w/peel)
and throw them in the pot. Remove the stems from the rest of the
cherries and throw them in along with 6 or 7 cinnamon sticks. Occasionally
stir it all up. Important! Never ever let punch boil or even bubbles
appear on the sides or anywhere else! In fact the moment you see
vapor, cut heat off, cover the pot and remove from the stove. Boiling
or escaping vapor are signs of losing the heat producing alcohol
that makes this punch such a great defensive weapon against blustery,
frigid, arctic air. Serve while hot. Garnish with a cherry, a cinnamon
stick and some floating fruit slices. The use of those tiny, colorful
umbrellas is discouraged. Who needs an umbrella when you’re
busy drinking indoors?
Don’t stray too far from the recipe and under no conditions
should the punch contain avocados, tomatoes, grapes, kiwi or frozen
concentrated anything! In case you were wondering, the rum punch
equals 3 servings of fruit on the food pyramid. If you wish a generous
cup of orange liqueur can be added but leave the kahlua in the cabinet
til later. If the punch is too strong keep adding blended fruit
and juice until it tastes right. NOTE: During the preparation of
the punch if you have to answer the door or run a quick errand it
is advisable to remove the respirator first. Buen provecho!!
P.S. Next month I’ll relate a recipe that started out as a
disaster involving eggs exploding in the microwave. I call the dish
- Eggs Everywhere.
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