Boy have I got a hot deal
for you! How hot you ask? This business idea, if handled and managed
properly, could make the computer industry and the entire worldnetweb
thing seem like a mom and pop country store. I’m talking huge!
First, let’s look at the short list of the current major problems
facing mankind:
1. Depletion of natural resources
2. Wars fought over those natural resources that remain
3. High oil and gas prices worldwide
4. High energy bills, natural gas and electricity
My idea solves all those problems in a jiffy and that’s just
for starters! I can hear you skeptics out there saying What’s
the pitch Stucco? How much money do you want to take us for? First,
this is way out of my league and I wouldn’t have a clue where
to start. But I bet some sharp business mind out there will see
the potential. In fact, glory be to he, I don’t need credit
for this idea. I’ll just be thrilled to see it happen!
Okay, question. When you were growing up did you ever hold a lit
match or lighter to a fart? Perhaps a more important question would
be—do you still do that? But that’s really further than
I intended to go with this. Well, if you were like me growing up
I was forever surprised by how scorching a lit fart can be. The
reason why this is, is because farts are a combustible natural gas.
And guess what? It’s free! Okay follow me now. I see a home
in typical suburbia entirely run by the combustible natural gas
we all produce ourselves in a refinery known as our body. This system
would be plumbed into the house sort of like how a whole house vacuum
system works. Only you would have farting stations throughout the
house where you could hook up somehow, let loose and watch the dim
lights shining bright once more. Now laundry day might be a problem
for some, what with all the power needed to run a washing machine
and clothes dryer. Nothing makes a family of six crankier than the
obligatory two hours service or family duty at the farting station
of your choice. But heck, the possibilities are endless. Imagine
even the novelty of a fart driven blender. I see a bar advertising,
“our frozen margaritas are fart spun”. I’ll go
clear across town just to see what that type of margarita looks
like. But I would wait until someone else ordered one. I’d
be particularly interested in their expression after the  first
sip. Then I’d watch for any strange disabling activity such
as vomiting, convulsions or appearing comatose. You never know.
See now, I’m getting skeptical again.
Sure there would be problems to iron out. You might run into customers
who couldn’t fart using a stick. What to do? Throw a fart
fill-r-up party! Let’s fill that tank gang! Problems will
be ironed out and we can stop wasting the world’s resources
and start putting our body’s unwanted resources to good use.
There is too much at stake and someone might just make a billion
or two on this one. But even if that happens I still want no association
with whatever is developed with this idea.
Reason/Nightmare #9. Somehow this idea gets huge and becomes a household
name like Microsoft, and is promoted as “The Original Stucco
Steve fart system.” Or something equally as horrid. Generic
names I’ll go for. They are easy for the buying public to
remember like, “Unifart Systems” or “Fartmart”
or “UBGas” or something similar. I just think that having
my name associated with this idea would be a big brown stain on
my character. How would you feel? So you see now why I’m excited,
but just for the inventor who makes this idea happen. I don’t
even want to meet him. It’s going to be a hell of a kick to
watch the huge step forward mankind will make for itself by developing
my idea. What more could you wish for? |
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